Good-Bye, Mother.


Good-bye, Mother.  Farewell.
I am letting you go now.  I have released you from my steely grasp.
Your wings are no longer bound,
and my demand for explanations have been relinquished.

Au revoir, Mother.
It’s as if the roles have been reversed now–child bearing Mother in her womb.
I’ve carried you inside of me for all of these years,
and you have filled me with more than the burden of your emotions;
you have stretched me beyond my limitations mentally and physically.
And like a elephant bound by leg shackles in a zoo, I’ve been unable to decipher or configure an escape route.
Nothing had ever seemed quite adequate, nothing that I’d do would relieve the scars from the metaphorical metal digging through my thick skin.

Ciao, Mother.
Now comes the time for birthing, but this time it’s me giving birth to you.
With a hefty, shaking breath I make the final push revealing to me your blood-soaked and fresh body.
Eyes closed, unable to yet see the inevitable reversal of our places–I have become the queen that steals your pawn.
I can see you now, for the first time I hold you in my arms as a new human being, no longer scarred or able to scar.
While I look closer I begin to see me in you.
That’s my face, that’s my body!
And above me I see my adult self holding my phoenix, her beautiful, fire-filled and golden feathers strong and sure.

Hello, new me.
As I finally lay down my sword, the sword I did battle with against you for so many years,
I realize I was fighting against myself.
My judgements of you. My judgements of me.
And like a spider who passes through the veil upon greeting her new offspring into the world,
I place myself amongst the flowers, wind bristling the pine neeldes in the trees overhead
certainty and peace the last things on my mind as I look to my new body, my new soul;
knowing that she’ll do a far better job than I ever could, and grateful that I was able to be here for this long.
I have come so far on this journey, and the torch will now be past on.

Thank you, Mother.
Now I’m a Mother, too.
With your help, I birthed a new soul–she’s still me, but new.  She’s a glorious phoenix that rises above the ashes and will bestow upon the world her wild self.


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